Is Online Dating For You After A Divorce?

Until Death Do You Part? That certainly was a lie. Your spouse got the house, a younger you, and you got the children. Definitely not an even split there.

Six months later - Enter your friend... Friend: You can't just sit around by yourself forever. You: But I'm not alone. I have the children. Friend: The children, humph. They don't keep you warm at night, do they? You: It's not like that anymore. Friend: Of course it's not. Really, it isn't. Friend: I know someone. This person is recently divorced too.
Tip! Announce your decision to get a 'divorce.

Freeze Frame. Get rid of friend. You can mail the coat after you finally get over the fact that the first choice for you is someone who failed Marriage 101 too. When you are ready to date, when you have moved that big band-aid off your heart, it won't be so that a friend of a friend can dance on your scab. It will be because you're ready to share your life with someone again.

Three months have passed. Following the coldest winter in history, you remembered to send your friend the coat. Guilt over your friend's pneumonia leads you to go on the date with the divorced acquaintance. Less than twenty minutes into the date, it is revealed that this person thinks all children can benefit greatly from boarding schools. You personally get a thrill out of tucking your children in each night. Your date also has no idea why the nagging ex was so close-minded about boarding schools in general. Once the gates are open, the ex becomes the hot topic for the evening.
Tip! Changing Your Name: At this point you can request a name change if you are a woman who wishes to resume use of her maiden surname. Your Dallas divorce lawyer can prepare all the paperwork for you and guide you through this process.

After that horrendous experience which cost you not only taxi fare but also two dollars for aspirin to relieve your splitting headache, you decide that research, among other things, is definitely in order before the next date with anyone. Your perfect match likes children and not merely from a distance. Should be a nonsmoker because breathing for some weird reason is very important to you and those you love. An advance college degree would represent the person's desire to be a high achiever.

How should you go about finding this one in a million person when you have an extremely limited schedule that gives you barely any free time after the kids and a fulltime job? Bars and clubs? Not too many out there for single parents. Even if there were, children require sitters, and with the divorce not too far behind you, you would feel guilty for leaving them anyway, especially if the date turned out to be a waste of time.
Tip! Make an agreement with your former spouse on what is realistically expected for your children. These should be based on the children's age, their temperament, their ability to follow directions, and the divorce structure of the family.

The practical solution - online dating. It can be done from your home; you can view biographies of your prospects in a low pressured environment. For shits and giggles, you can also allow the kids to view some of the photographs. They might actually enjoy having a say in your love life.

Online dating is also inexpensive. With children, you need every penny you can save. For what you would pay for a pair of designer jeans for your oldest daughter, you can probably get a year's membership in an online dating service. If it works out well, you soon might have someone else to buy your children's clothes.

With screening elements built into their programs, online dating companies, such as Yahoo Personals and eHarmony, will allow you to define your own standards so that you can hopefully avoid those with whom you are incompatibility.
Tip! Do hire a collaborative divorce lawyer (and get your spouse to do the same thing). Now you know you want to stay out of court.

A new outfit for a date - $70.00 Trip to the salon - $55.00 Time wasted after realizing your date put the "lose" in loser - 3 hours Opportunity cost (a game of Clue with the children) - priceless

Your time is too precious to waste. With online dating, you can make every moment count.

Ann Bendis writes about online dating and relationships at http://www.singleattractions.com

Starting Over: Dating After Divorce

Starting over after a divorce or breakup can be hard. Where do you go and what do you do? Men and women lose at least half of their social network when they get divorced. Their relationships with relatives, in-laws, neighbors, work colleagues, and spousal friends all shift and change. It takes determination to get out there and date. How do you start over?

* Take care of your heart.

You are vulnerable at this time. Quiet, reflective, or reading time is good. Hiking, fishing, gym time, art activities, team sports, cycling, cooking, counseling, classes, and self work is good. Spending time with close friends and family is good. Brooding, worrying, and obsessing on negative thoughts is not good.

*Plan your weekends.

When you are home alone, spend some time planning where you will go on the weekends. Weekends alone can be real downers if you are recently separated or divorced. Call a cousin, or your mother, father, sister, brother, uncles, aunts, nieces or nephews. You have people in your life you can take places with you who will not look like a date, no matter what gender they are.

*Find your forgotten talents.

Think about what you have always wanted to do or used to do but put it down long ago. Take the action steps to get involved in those activities again. Did you used to play tennis, ride horses, paint, sing, tap dance, travel, or play an instrument? Have you always wanted to act, design clothes, weave, grow a garden, swim, or fix clocks? No matter how bizarre it may sound to your friends, find what you have always loved to do or longed to discover and get busy. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong with your life, start looking at what you have going for you. You can build a new and wonderful life.
Tip! Insulate and protect your children: Involving children will surely harm them and upset both parents as well. Keep them well away from the divorce.

*Attend some social events.

It may feel awkward, but getting out to meet new people in "safe" settings like church, weddings, reunions, funerals, gatherings at friend's houses, meetings, conventions, conferences, and classes will give you energy. Stay as unattached as possible to the outcome. Consider your evenings out as an exploration into the possible.

* Visualize.

Before you go to any function, visualize how you would like your time there to be. See yourself as being friendly and confident, meeting interesting people. Before you fall asleep at night, picture how you would like your day and week to be. See yourself as calm, happy, productive, and loved by those around you.

Whenever you get out, remember to smile and make eye contact with people. Ask questions, listen to the answers, and start conversations. Reach out. This is how you begin to build the foundation for dating and starting over.

Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)